Sunday, August 28, 2011

A New Day.......

This has a happy ending I promise- Josh and I had a pretty big argument yesterday.  It seems like we only argue on the weekends, when we have time to spend with each other.  I realized something during this argument.  I've been struggling with something.  I was mad at Josh, but really I was angry with myself.  You see, I didn't always make the best choices when I was younger and before I was married.  I know, we all make mistakes, but the mistakes I made seemed to stick with me.  I know when we ask for forgiveness that are sins are as far as the east is from the west and that God doesn't bring them up to us any more.  He forgets them.  Them problem I have, is that I don't forget them.  I remember my past sins and I feel like I'm being punished in some way for the mistakes I made years ago.  In my mind I know this isn't true, but I somehow feel that it is sometimes.  I know it's just the enemy, but it's hard to get past that.  Josh and I have been married for 5 years, so this is not a new thing to me but I have not shared this with my husband.

I was in the nursery at church today feeding Jackson and I remembered thinking that I wanted to talk to a specific person at church about this.  Let's call her Lisa.  Lisa and I both happened to be nursing our babies at the same time.  We are not incredibly close, but we have chatted about babies and such.  Our conversation was mostly just chit chat and then I started to leave and I turned around.  She kept talking to me like she didn't want me to leave, but she didn't say those words.  Even though I had gotten up and was standing at the door, she was still talking to me.  I told her that I had thought of her last night, during my argument, and that I wanted to talk to her about something.  Of course I started crying and I shared with her everything.  It turns out that Lisa is going through a similar situation.  I was so happy to talk to someone who could relate to what I was going through and who I could share with freely.  It seems that the enemy likes to get us isolated and make us feel like we're the only one going through a difficult time.  This battle is a minute by minute one.  I have to choose what thoughts I'm going to allow myself to dwell on.  I have to keep thinking to myself, take captive every thought!

As I sat in church today (the part of the sermon I did hear) I was incredibly convicted.  I have to admit that it's not too often that I feel super challenged lately, I think that's mostly due to my not being in church the whole time.  I spend a good amount of time in the nursery:)  Anyway, it was the kind of conviction where you want to sink down in your chair, the kind of conviction where you cringe just a little at what the pastor says, you know the kind?  I really felt like God was speaking to me today, through Lisa, through Pastor Brad.  Sometimes it's so refreshing to know that God hears my cries and He knows what I'm going through and He knows how to respond.  The God I serve is not a god who says, "that's just what you get for what you did 10 years ago".  He is a loving God.  He sees right where we are and loves us.  I've made some really bad choices in my life, but I'm so blessed to have a God who loves me more than I could ever imagine and who truly cares for me.  In a world of billions, He cares for me!  How awesome is that?

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Ipad Cover Giveaway

Hi Friends!

Check out Our Military Home for an Ipad cover giveaway.  This giveaway is for military and non-military families.  It is super cute and I just love the people who made it.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Shall I Say, It Was a Difficult Day????

Have you ever had one of those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days?  I know we all have, but today was one of those for me.  In addition to that, I have a question for you moms out there in blogland that I'll get to in a bit.

Today wasn't all bad..... My mom took me shopping and I guess you could say that is probably where things took a turn for the worse.  You see Jackson and I are a slave to the schedule.  I know for some people this is perfect and helps things to be predictable.  I too love the schedule, but would love to have a baby who was a little more flexible with it (on occassion).  Pretty much like clockwork he needs a nap 2 hours after he gets up in the morning.  That nap should be 1.5-2 hours long.  Lately because of teething and pooping (both of which I cannot help), he's been getting up after 45 minutes to an hour.  On any normal day this isn't a terrible thing.  It just means that nap #2 just needs to be a bit earlier and hopefully longer.  Well, today my mom wanted to take me shopping for some new clothes and who am I to turn her down:)  I told her we would be over after nap #1 and nursing that follows.  Of course, nap #1 was only 45 minutes today.  I knew I was in for some rough times later on.  My mom, Jackson and I had lunch at Rubio's and then to shopping.  We only went to one store, but by this point Jackson was already fussy.  He wasn't happy in the stroller, but he was tolerating it.  My mom walked around with him while I shopped.

*As a bit of a side note, Jackson has had almost no stranger anxiety.  Sometimes when he sees my in-laws who he doesn't see often he gets the pouty lip, but no melt downs.  I keep waiting for it and so far, so good.  However, lately when he sees my mom he lights up and wants her to hold him the whole time he's there.  Of course, like most grandmas, she does whatever he wants and holds him or lets him go where he wants.  The past few times she's been over or we've been over there, Jackson doesn't want me to take him from my mom.  She was over to babysit on Wednesday and when she handed him to me as she was leaving he cried for her.  I know this makes her feel incredibly loved, but I do not feel loved!

Now, we're done shopping.  It's obvious that Jackson is exhausted, it's time to go.  My mom gets him out of the stroller to say good bye and hands him to me, the crying begins.  I buckle him in the carseat and he's still crying.  He cries for another 20 minutes in the car.  She told me today that it makes her feel so good that he cries for her.  I keep thinking, must be nice!  I definitely don't want Jackson to pitch a fit for an hour when I leave, but it would be nice to at least know that after having his grandma watch him for a few hours that he wants me.  He normally only sees her once or twice a week and it's normally not for more than a few hours.  I need to ask her if she feeds him french fries and chocolate when I'm away:)  I absolutely love that I can take him to my mom's and know that she loves him and he loves her, but I have no idea where this "grandma anxiety" has come from.

My question for you other moms out there is this:  First of all is it normal for my son to have stranger anxiety with people other than me?  Secondly have you ever felt like you baby doesn't like you?  Jackson gets excited to see my husband and his grandma, but not really for me.  I know, he sees me all day everyday, but I thought it was normal for babies to cling to their moms.  I feel like Jackson wants anyone BUT me!  I should add that he does get excited to see me sometimes, but not like when he sees his daddy or grandma, and he only cries when my mom hands him to me.  We leave him in the nursery at church and he never gives us a second glance.  I'm sure this is some how a blessing in disguise, I guess I'm just not thinking of it like that right this minute.  I know he loves me and I love him dearly, I just wish I could explain to him that mommy needs you to show her you love her:)  I sure hope I'm not the only mom that has gone through this and I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Dear Jackson- 9 months

Dear Sweet Baby Jackson,

I cannot believe you are 9 months old.  You are growing up far to fast for my liking:)  You are an amazing baby boy and, right now, you are into everything.  Just before you turned 8 months old you started crawl/scooting.

You looked like an inch worm sometimes.  Now you are doing the normal hands and knees crawling.  You are pulling up on anything that will hold you up.  Baby proofing is in full force!  I just told your daddy the other day that it was hard to believe we finally needed to baby proof our house.  Even though I knew we would eventually have to do it, I never really thought about it when we brought home this little bundle from the hospital.

You say mama and dada and you make a variety of other sounds that and I have no idea what they mean.  You have a bit of a temper; when I tell you no you yell and sort of shake your fists.  I'm not sure if I should acknowledge this behavior or ignore it or what I should do.  It's so strange how you just do things that no one has ever shown you how to do.  You are learning more and more everyday.  You're starting to mimic the words I say and try to say them in the same tone I say them.  I keep waiting for "stranger anxiety" to kick in, but so far you are doing ok.  Sometimes when strange people pick you up (that you haven't seen in a long time) you get nervous and might shed a tear or two or you just might make a pouty face.  When we drop you off in the nursery at church every one tells us what a happy baby you are!  For some reason you do not like when daddy moos like a cow.  You immediately start to stick you bottom lip out and cry.  I know to you it's not funny, but it just makes me laugh:)  Daddy knows better now and we just make higher pitch cow sounds to make sure you stay happy:)  You love your daddy!  You get very excited when he gets home and scream for him.  Daddy tries to act like it's no big deal, but I know he loves that you love him so much!

We have some friends who recently had a baby with some health issues.  When I hear about all that they are going through I feel even more thankful that I have such a healthy baby.  Even though we had some scares during my pregnancy, you are in perfect health now.  We are so thankful God had blessed us with a healthy and happy baby.  I am so blessed to have such an amazing baby boy!  It's a blessing every day to wake up and know you and I are going to spend the day together.  Your daddy works very hard so that can happen!  I love you more than I ever thought I would, you are such a blessing to our family!