Fall 2012

It's hard to believe that I have a 2 year old now!  This birthday was definitely harder than his first.  I think it's because I had so much going on around his first birthday and this birthday I was able to really focus on what was happening.  A while back we won a photo shoot from a photographer.  It was a contest on Facebook.  I was so very excited, but when the time came to take pictures I had a little boy who was avoiding the camera like the plague.  When we chose the location I did not realize that there was a park nearby.  He kept trying to get over there to play.  I can't really blame him.  Over the course of our engagement and having children we have had 2 wonderful photographers who have provided us with some amazing photos.  I was a little leery of a new photographer, but she had some great photos on her Facebook page.  This new photographer was not good with my boy.  The baby girl was great, but the photographer did not bring any props or blankets so we have no pics of baby girl by herself.  By the time we left I was exhausted, Jackson was crying and I knew I would never call this photographer again.  Josh kept reminding me that this was free and we would probably get at least one good photo out of it.  Last week we got the disc of photos and there are probably 150 images on the disc and there are maybe 10 that I would consider using for Christmas cards.  I probably wouldn't put these pics up in my house.  I was pretty bummed, especially since she kept reminding me that I needed to refer my friends to her.  I thought about writing her and telling her I was a bit disappointed in the photos, not to be mean but just to let her know.  I couldn't figure out how to say what I wanted to say without being nasty so I didn't write anything.  Below is a photo that was included as part of our "edited" images.

I like this picture of Jackson, but there is a giant smudge on it.  What am I supposed to do with that?!?!

Here are some other fails:

My eyes are closed and Josh is the only one who is looking at the camera.

I'm talking, Jackson is eyeing the park, Hayden is eating her hands, but thank goodness for such a good looking man who continues to smile and look at the camera.

Here's a few that did turn out alright:

I get that we had a toddler who was very uncooperative, but I guess I just wish she was more professional.  I won't mention her name, but should you need a photographer in the East Valley of Arizona you should go to Jennifer Jones Photography or Shannon Worley Photography.  They are both wonderful women and amazing photographers and we have had great experiences with them and had I known better I would have gone back to them for our Christmas pictures.

In other news, Jackson turned 2 a few weeks ago.  We went to the farm and he loved it!  

We had a small party with family and a few friends and it turned out great!  I think that since I have 2 children now I have become a lot more relaxed about things and have quit being so up tight.  I still am neurotic about some things and I still love a great schedule, but now I'm more willing to put the schedule aside if it means this mommy can have a moment of peace or chat with some girlfriends.  I definitely secluded myself when it was just Jackson and I at home all day and now I know better.  Not having a schedule for one or maybe two days a week will not hurt anyone!  This was a lesson I had to learn on my own and even though other moms would tell me those exact words, I had to figure it out on my own.  Being a stay-at-home-mom can be extremely lonely!  There are still moments when the enemy gets in my head and tells me that there are no other people in my exact situation and no one can relate to me or wants to be friends with me since I have 2 crazy kids.  I definitely have to take captive EVERY thought!

My sweet girl is just that, sweet!  She is such a great baby and was a great sleeper until she got sick a few days ago.  I feel like I'm running on adrenalin some days, especially when I stayed up late last night to see Breaking Dawn Part 2 with friends from church and then got to bed at 1am, she was up at 2:30 and then our day began.  I know I need to let her cry it out, but I'm not ready for that.  She hardly ever cries, so it's hard to hear her crying.  For now, she can come to bed with me and we both get sleep.  

We started giving her baby cereal a few weeks ago and she hates it.  She starts making faces before the spoon even gets to her mouth!  She's getting better, but she's just not a fan.  It's so strange how 2 children with the same mom and dad can be so different.  Jackson loved baby food pretty much from day one, he didn't really chew on things when he was teething, he didn't bounce in the exersaucer, he smiled and laughed at everything.  Hayden is the complete opposite of that.  She is very much a mommy's girl, but I kind of like that since Jackson was never really clingy to me.

There is so much coming up with the holidays, my grandparents moving here from Texas, my parents moving, me possibly going back to work part-time, this is going to be an exciting few months!!

The Struggles of Being a SAHM

Today, I absolutely love my job.  I would not trade it for anything in the world!  The kids and I are getting over a cold.  I'm so thankful for the children God placed in my life.  There are days when I cannot believe I signed up for this job because it is a mad house here, but today is not one of those:)  I guess it helps that it's my birthday week.  I like to celebrate the whole week, not just the day!  Josh and I have had some financial struggles recently.  When these issues pop up, I immediately go to the place of "God has left me", or "I must have misunderstood His direction".  I start thinking, maybe I misunderstood when God said to trust Him and be a stay-at-home-mom.  Maybe I just heard what I wanted to hear and not the logical answer, which was to keep working.  Why would God just up and leave me in this time of despair?  Then physical sickness creeps in and all of us were sick and had to stay home for several days and that just allows the enemy to confuse me all the more.  I have to keep reminding myself that God is not a god of confusion.  His direction is clear and direct, there isn't an aspect of misunderstanding.  You either hear Him and obey or you don't.  There is no grey area with God and He definitely does not leave us.  He may go radio silent, but He is always there hearing my cries.  I can't imagine going through financial difficulty or any difficulty for that matter without an amazing God who loves me more than I will ever know.
I have been looking on Craigslist for jobs.  I would prefer a part-time job that I could do from home.  I'd like to wait to work out of the home until Hayden is 1 and not breastfeeding, but at this point I have applied and sent my resume to numerous companies.  I have heard back from a few, but I haven't even made it to an interview.  I keep feeling like God is saying, "Be still".  What mom out there can do such a crazy thing????  It is not my nature to be still.  I have a toddler, there is minimal stillness in my house!!  I can feel that God is there, I can feel him almost like he is right behind me observing me, but I just don't hear His voice.  He has never left me, never not provided for us and I know He will come through.  I truly don't think God wants me working at this time.  To be honest, I would be sad if I did because I don't want to miss out on the same time with Hayden that I missed out on with Jackson
I'm working on my first reaction.  I have always had a freak-out first reaction.  When Josh has a bad survey and we will be receiving a pay decrease because of the survey, I immediately freak out.  What are we going to do?  How will we make it?  What is going to happen with Josh's job?  On a side note, working commission is like a roller coaster.  There are really great months then there are really bad ones.  It seems like we've had one really bad one after another.  I am in a position where I only have one option.  There is nothing left for me to fall back on but God.  This situation has taught me to run to God as my first reaction.  When we get bad news or something bad happens, I always run to Josh.  He always knows what to say to make me feel better, to quiet my spirit.  I know God wants to be that person I run to.  This is a new learning experience and I have placed my burdens before a loving, generous, merciful God.  I can't carry them any more!  I know that God is good and I'm just hanging on for the ride.  I'm not going to try and force anything to happen. I am struggling, but I'm trying to be still.

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A Little Bit of This and That......

I have so many things that I want to remember, so I'm just going to put them all in one post and maybe one day I'll separate them:)

Hayden is 4 months old.  I can see the hospital where she was born from our backyard and it's crazy to me that just 4 months ago we were in that hospital with our beautiful baby girl who slept for what seemed like 48 hours!  She is smiling and just started sucking on her two middle fingers this week.  She has never really loved the pacifier like Jackson and she is always sucking on her hands.  She finally figured out which fingers she liked best.  We won't go to the doctor for another few weeks, but I'm confident that she is gaining weight appropriately.  She only nurses about 5 times per day, but she must be getting what she needs!  Just this week she started sleeping close to 12 hours at night.  I was thankful, but a little concerned at first.  Jackson never did and still doesn't do that:)

Jackson is 22 months old.  I cannot believe that he will be 2 in October.  It just doesn't seem right that my sweet boy would grow up so fast.  He sings Happy Birthday, ABCs, and he loves to sing worship songs in the car!  He has a toddler bible that we read to him at night.  We've read it so many times that he has it memorized.  At the end of the book it talks about Jesus dying on the cross and rising from the grave.  We have a cross hanging in our living room and the other day, out of no where, he says, "oh, the cross, the cross!" pointing to our cross hanging on the wall.  I am confident that my son has a special relationship with Jesus.  I have always felt he would do something special for the Kingdom of God.  It brings tears to my eyes when I hear him singing along to Forever Reign and I know it must do the same for our savior.  Jackson has memorized his first bible verse "Teach me your way O Lord".  We haven't got to the Psalm 27:11 part.  Even though I think we are in the middle of the incredible, awesome, terrific twos; I feel like Jackson is growing and changing so much.  We definitely have our rough days and days when I feel like I have to get away from this kid, but there are so many awesome days to make up for the rough ones.

We just got back from our first vacation with children.  There was A LOT of crying on the way there!  We went to San Diego for my brother's wedding, so it wasn't far but 7 hours traveling is a lot for our toddler and baby.  We went to SeaWorld and Jackson had a pretty good time.  We didn't get to see any shows (the lines were so long), but we did see lots of animals and I think he liked it.  Josh got some fish for him to feed the sea lions, not sure if he's a fan of that or not but he loved looking at them through the glass.

Josh and I figured out a system and we had a better drive back.  Jackson absolutely loved the beach, especially the sand:)  When we left the wedding, he had sand in his ears, nose and hair. Our schedule was out the window on this trip, but we quickly got back to it when we got home.

I'm going through a humbling experience with God.  These past few weeks have been tough and I've been questioning if I should continue to be a stay-at-home-mom.  It seems like whenever things get tough financially, I immediately start looking for part-time jobs instead of trusting in God and trusting in what He said to me two years ago.  I remember how heavy on my heart it was to be a stay-at-home-mom and I remember so clearly feeling released from my job.  I don't like to share with close friends or family the things we go through until there's resolution, but it's therapeutic for me to write about it here:)  I know that must sound crazy!  I have this picture in my mind of God bringing me to my knees and I keep trying to stand up, but there are things that happen that keep pushing me back to my knees.  I think these things will continue to happen until I find rest being on my knees before a most holy God, a God who loves me more than I will ever know, a God who has never left me alone and who has always provided for my family and I.  I don't know why it's so hard to rest in Him sometimes, but today I'm doing it.  I'm resting in the will of the Almighty, Omnipresent, Loving, Merciful God who has never left me!

To My Sweet (Baby) Boy...

Dear Jackson,

You are such an amazing gift from God.  There are so many things I want to remember about this time in your life!  You are 21 months old (I'm still not ready to give up noting your age in months, maybe when your 2 then I'll stick with years), you are so sweet, loving, independent, smart, verbal and at times impatient.  You've been such a good talker since about 18 months.  It has been so nice because when you need something, for the most part you can tell me what it is you need or want.  You can climb out of your crib, but after mommy said no climbing you don't and that is one of many things that you do that melts my heart.  We are going to start potty training you in a few weeks.  We've ordered the potty and it's sitting in the living room:)  You love Matchbox cars and I might need to buy you a few more.  We only have two and if you lose one (and that happens often) you get very upset.  You look so much like your daddy, especially when we make your hair spiky like his.  It's hard to believe how fast you've grown.  I look at Hayden and I can't believe just a few months ago you were her size.  I know it's part of God's plan for you to grow up, but sometimes I wish I could keep you small.  I love that I can tell you, "say I love mommy" and you do it.  I know there will come a day when you won't want to say you love me and you won't want my besos on your cheek.

Before you were born I started praying for your future wife and for your salvation.  It was much easier to pray for your spouse when I couldn't see you and you were still in my belly.  Now, it's harder to pray those prayers for your future because I want to keep you small.  I want to be able to lean down and hold your hand for many years to come.  One day you'll be taller than me and have bigger hands and feet than me, can you believe that?

Even though I might not like to admit it, you have a very special relationship with your Nini (my mom).  She thinks you never do anything wrong and you pretty much always get your way around her.  I figure it's just that special bond and I love that you love my mom so much.  She is pretty great!!

You love most people.  There are a few people that you seem hesitant of, but for the most part you are super friendly (especially if they have cool toys).  You love to watch Sid the Science Kid and Martha Speaks.  When we have rough days you love to watch Despicable Me and I do too.

I've started teaching you Bible verses and you have memorized our first one.  When I ask you what our Bible verse is you say, Teach me your way oh Lord.  Right now we're just doing one per month and you've already got it done!  You are one amazing little boy!

I love how you love your sister and you're not jealous of her.  When she cries you give her the binky, and sometimes shove it in her mouth even if she doesn't want it.  Even though it's been hard having two babies under two, I know you and Hayden will be great friends.  She loves to watch you play, but she's not quite used to your loudness:)

I am so excited to see what God has in store for your life!  I know that you are going to do great things and I pray that God's favor would rest on you and you would be blessed in anything you put your hands to.  I pray that daddy and I would encourage you to do God's will, even when it's hard.

We love you so very much!

Blogging......Then and Now

I remember when I started blogging, it was maybe a few years after we got married.  I would blog at work when I had some down time.  I worked for a construction company, so there would be really busy times and then really slow times.  During this time Josh and I were able to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted.  I remember telling him that I didn't want kids around the time we first got married.  I wanted him all to myself and the little money we had left over after bills, should be spent on us!  My grandma would ask me when we were having children and I would just tell her that I was way too selfish to have children right now.  Then one day, there was this incredible urgency for a baby.  I had prayed that God would place the desire within me for a baby when the time was right, and He sure did.

I think back to what life (and blogging) used to be like and it is far different now.  Now, I blog on the off chance that both littles are sleeping and I'm just happen to have a bit of energy and not need a nap myself.  This blog is mainly for me, a place where I can share my thoughts and it helps me to remember what life was like.  I can't imagine my life any different than what it is now.  I used to have a clean house, I used to have laundry done and put away daily, there was absolutely no toys strewn across the living room, and the spare bedrooms in our house were just rooms to put stuff I didn't have a place for.  Now I have come to a place where I am at peace that the clean laundry generally stays in the basket and we have to go get it rather than it being folded nicely in drawers, my house is rarely as clean as I would like it to be, and there is chaos everywhere (and no bedroom to put the "stuff" I have no place for).  The difference is that I have two incredible children and a love I cannot explain for them.  Yes, we have bad days and sometimes many in a row.  Yes, sacrifice takes on a whole new meaning.  Yes, sickness is now passed between four people rather than two and yes I love every minute of it.  Being a mom is hard work and I don't think anyone but a mom can know just how hard it is.  There are days when I wonder if being a stay-at-home mom is for me.  Yes, I still look on Craigslist to see if maybe there is a part-time job that I would want to do.  But, then I remember what it was like when I was working and how that made my "mom" job even more work.  I'm so excited that I get to watch Hayden grow up.  When Jackson was 12 weeks I went back to work, so I missed out on a lot of that growing and changing time with him.

Jackson has been sick this week, so we've had a few "bad" days and I just needed to remind myself just how full and blessed I am.  Josh has had some rough days at work and I am so incredibly grateful that he works at a job that he doesn't love so I can be home with our children.  The sacrifice is huge but so is the blessing.

A Birth Story for our Baby Girl.....

I know this is nearly 11 weeks late, but better late than never right?  I will tell you that there might be some episodes of TMI.  I'm writing this more for myself than anyone, so I'm gonna tell it like it is:)

About 6 weeks before our baby girl was born Josh and I were at church on a Sunday morning.  At our church you can go up to the front for prayer, if needed/desired, and a "prayer partner" will pray with you.  We have quite a large congregation and there are way too many people for just the pastors to pray for.  Josh and I rarely go up for prayer.  We don't have any major ailments or reasons to, I guess.  Some of you may know Colleen.  She is a prayer partner and I decided to have her pray for me.  I love Colleen!  She is an amazing woman of God and I just knew that her and I would be in agreement during this prayer time.  I should let you know that I had a c-section with my son and really wanted, I mean really wanted, a VBAC this time around.  I told Colleen how I really wanted a VBAC and how I was concerned how I would be able to care for my son, who is 18 months, after having major surgery if I needed a c-section.  With a c-section I would not have been able to lift Jackson for a month!  He still sleeps in a crib, sits in a high chair, and has his diaper changed on a changing table.  Colleen started praying and I noticed that she was not saying a word about having a VBAC.  She just prayed that I would be healthy, baby girl would be healthy, and that Jackson would be taken care of.  I have to admit that I'm a bit of a control freak and I was getting upset that she was not praying the way I wanted her to.  I went back to my seat and I was so frustrated.  Maybe I had gone to the wrong person for prayer, maybe she was off her "prayer game" today.  I didn't feel like there was any need to share this with my husband, after all Colleen had not prayed the way I told her to.

I was seeing Dr. L, he had delivered my son and I had a very good c-section delivery experience.  We had decided that we would schedule the c-section for my due date, May 18th and if I went into labor on my own I could try for a VBAC.  With a VBAC you have to go into labor on your own, progress at a rate that is acceptable to the doctor, and no pitocin to speed things up.  His surgery scheduler called me to verify the time and date of the c-section and everything was good to go.  I had delivered my son at a wonderful hospital and my doctor was the only one at his practice that delivered there.  I had not double checked with the scheduler that I was delivering at the same hospital as I did with Jackson.  I just assumed that since I had delivered there before they would know.  All the other doctors deliver at another hospital that I had heard bad things about and I did not want to go there!  I called the scheduler back to double check the hospital and guess what????  Dr. L no longer delivers at the hospital I had Jackson at!!!!  I was so upset!!  How am I just finding this out at 34 weeks???  Of course everyone blamed each other as to why I did not know this information.  I immediately texted my L/D nurse friend to find out what she would do.  She said she would not deliver at the hospital they had scheduled me at.  I had a feeling that's what she would say.  Now I was in a frantic state trying to find a new doctor that would deliver at the hospital I wanted.  No doctor that I had heard good things about delivered there.

There was a OB/GYN practice that I had gone to a few years ago and left for good reasons, but I considered going back at this point.  I called to schedule an appointment and see how I felt about the doctor.  At this practice, the doctor that will deliver you is the doctor that is on call.  I wasn't a big fan of this, but I didn't have much of a choice.  I saw Dr. A and I loved her.  She was not the super sweet and soft spoken type, but she helped me to feel encouraged about having a VBAC.  We still had the same plan of action as the other doctor, schedule the c-section and pray to go into labor before then.

My son was a big baby 9lb 9oz.  That is probably why I needed a c-section!!  Dr. A told me that she wasn't sure if I would be able to have a VBAC due to the reasons I needed a c-section before.  She said that some women just have big babies and that this baby was tracking to be Jackson's size or bigger!  At this point God had been working on my heart regarding Colleen's prayer.  I felt him saying to me, "Let it go, trust me".  That was really hard for me to do.  I just kept asking Him, "How will Jackson be taken care of?  I can't neglect him for a month!!"

Up until this point, I felt like I trusted God and I could check that off my list.  The problem is that trusting God is never something I can check off my list, it's a constant thing I need to work on.  Just when I feel like I've got this trusting God thing under control, He helps me to see that there is more for me to learn.  Colleen's prayer was the starting point for this new lesson.  God just wanted me to trust Him and He wanted me to see that His ways are far greater than mine.  He knew that I didn't have someone that could stay with me for a month to help care for Jackson, He knew the desires of my heart.  Ultimately I wanted a healthy baby girl, Jackson to be cared for and for a healthy mama!

I went in for my 38 week doctor visit and Dr. A said we'll see ya next week.  I was 1cm dilated at that visit.  2 days later at 4:38am my water broke, praise Jesus!!  With Jackson I had to be induced a week past my due date and this time I went into labor on my own and 2 weeks early!  We made it to the hospital around 6am and got all checked in and at the time I was dilated to 4cm.  I was having contractions but they weren't painful.  I got an epidural and it was delicious!!  I had to push for about an hour but this time I was able to deliver our sweet baby Hayden via VBAC May 5, 2012 at 7:13pm.  She was 8lb 10oz and absolutely beautiful!!  I didn't realize that when you are trying to have a VBAC, the doctor has to stay at the hospital the whole time.  I was so thankful that I switched practices when I did and had a doctor who was willing to spend her entire Saturday with us.  I don't think Dr. L would have done that.  If the doctor isn't willing to wait at the hospital then you have to have a c-section.  I know that when Colleen prayed for me that day it was just the beginning of God revealing to me His plan, of course He knew it the whole time:)

Dear Baby Girl Harris.....

I had been so vigilant about writing during your brother's pregnancy that I feel pretty bad that this is the first time I've done it for you.  Let me tell you how busy your brother keeps me!  I'm sure it will only get more busy around here once you get here.  Your daddy and I are so excited to meet you and see who you look like.  We are a bit nervous to have a baby girl.  The unknown is what has us a bit anxious.  Over the past few months I have had raging acid reflux/heartburn.  I had it with Jackson but it seems so much worse with you!  I have to take medication for it just about every day, it's a celebration if I don't.  I feel pretty good this pregnancy.  It's a little hard to keep up with your brother sometimes, he sure is quick, but other then that I'm feeling good.  I'm excited to meet you in person, but at the same time I know you are so much easier to care for while you are inside me.  I want to remember how much you move around.  Around 19 weeks I started feeling you move around and since then you have not stopped.  It feels like you are trying to set yourself free sometimes:)
For reasons beyond my control I've had to switch doctors at 34 weeks.  Believe me I was very concerned about this, but I think maybe it was God's way of putting me in another doctor's hands.  It seems like the new doctors are already more thorough than my previous doctor.  I am going for a growth ultrasound in a few days and I'm super excited to see you again.  It's been a few months since I've seen you.  They think you may already be 7 lbs and you still have 5 weeks to go before your due date!!  Your brother was a big baby, but I was hoping you would be smaller since you are a girl:)  My prayer is to go into labor on my own and not have a c-section, although I will do whatever the doctors say is best for you and I.  You are loved so much baby girl!  Even though you are not here yet, God knows you.  He knows the child you will become and the woman you will grow to be.  We are already so blessed to be your parents.  God has hand picked you for us and us for you, we can't help but be a perfect match!  We don't have a name for you yet.  Daddy and I can't agree on names.  We had a hard time with your brother's name too.  Hopefully God will reveal THE name to both of us before you get here.

It's been a while...... April 2012 Update

I think I need to just give up on maintaining a blog with weekly posts, maybe quarterly posts would be more likely:)  Life just gets away from me sometimes and I think I would rather enjoy some time with my hubby and my boy outside than sit at the computer and write.  Although, I do find peace in venting on here.
My sweet boy is going to be a big brother in a little over a month and I'm not sure I'm ready for that.  I know I have to be, but I cannot imagine sharing my love and attention with another.  I think I felt that way when Jackson was born and somehow it works out and I know it will work out again, it's just the anticipation that gets to me.  There are days when Jackson and I struggle spending the day together, but I cannot put into words how much I love that baby boy.  In spite of teething, stubbornness, and fits of rage he is my world.  He is getting his one year molars and incisors and there was a day last week when I thought that I can't do this anymore, I want to get a job and someone else can deal with him.  Then I started thinking how would someone else handle this super fussy baby.  Would they get frustrated with him, would they just put him in the corner to cry?  Then I couldn't imagine anyone else caring for him during these difficult times.  I know he may act different with someone else than he would me, but either way he would have fussy days.  Even if it was my mom, I know she would be frustrated with him.  Being a stay-at-home-mom is without a doubt the hardest job I've ever had.  Sometimes I think people have these visions of SAHMs sitting on the couch watching tv all day while the children run around like little monsters.  Even with just one child, I do not get that opportunity.  Jackson loves to watch tv, so we are very limited in the amount of tv we can watch and we have to be very careful what we watch.  He repeats everything!!  I love that he is so verbal because he's able to tell us what he wants and not just whine, although he still does that from time to time.
I recently found out that my current OB is no longer delivering at the hospital where I had Jackson.  He is only delivering at a hospital that I have not heard good things about.  I know, 34 weeks and I'm changing doctors!!  I was very frustrated and I was even more irritated when the nurse told me, "I don't know why you didn't know Dr. L does not deliver at that hospital".  Why would I even think to ask if he still delivers there when I hear it on the hold message when I call the office??  Needless to say I was super frustrated, but I feel like this is maybe God's way of putting me in the hands of a different doctor.  Ultimately He is in control and I know He has Baby Girl Harris and I in the palm of His hand.  It's hard to reign in the control freak that is in me in situations like this.

Things I need to remember when the new baby gets here:
1.  You were super emotional the 2 weeks after Jackson was born, don't expect it to be any different with this one.  It will get better and it's ok to cry!
2.  Nursing was hard to get the hang of in the beginning, just be patient.  At least this time only one of you is a newbie:)  There are times when it's uncomfortable, I don't care what any nursing books say.
3.  You will be exhausted!  There is no getting around that, just remember it is only for a season.  Before you know it she'll be sleeping through the night.
4.  You felt disconnected from  your husband.  It's kind of inevitable considering the situation, but remember it gets so much better.  This time try your best to get away and have a date night, even if it's a mini date more often.  Don't wait until the baby is older to do it.  Your marriage will be better for it.
5.  Remember God has blessed you and Josh with this baby, so He will give you the wisdom to raise her.  Do what you think is right!  Your mom, friends, nurses may tell you different, but you are her mom and Josh is her dad.  Everyone has their opinion!

I think that's most of it, but I'll add to this list if I remember anything I have forgotten.  It seems like such a long time ago that we had a newborn!

The Holidays 2011

I cannot believe it's 2012!!  I feel like the holidays totally snuck up on me this year, although I was able to do more baking and fun stuff like that since Jackson is older.  I had determined that this year we would spend Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas day with the other, however I did not get my wish.  We were once again celebrating 3 (including our own) Christmases in one day.  It worked out better than I thought it would, but it just makes for a draining day.  Jackson still wasn't into opening gifts, he would rather play with the ripped up wrapping paper.  He did get some gifts he really liked and other, he couldn't care less about.  It's funny because I thought he would for sure like one toy and not another and then he totally switched things up on me!  He was not really into this horse and still isn't.  Hopefully as he gets bigger he'll like it more.

We also went to Schnepf Farms.  They didn't have a festival or anything like that, but they were open for kids to play and we went on the train.  Jackson had a lot of fun and was ready for a nap when we got home.

My grandparents were here, and Jackson loved them!  I'm so happy that they we able to travel and be here with us during the holidays!
We didn't do anything exciting for New Year's.  In fact, I didn't even stay up til midnight.  I was exhausted and we had to get up early for church the next day.
Another exciting thing that we found out is that we are having a baby girl!!  A few weeks before my 20 week ultrasound I had a dream that I had a girl.  Up until then I had not had any feeling either way as to the gender of this baby.  I even went to the store and bought a pack of girl onesies just to show I had faith in my dream:)  Sure enough, we're having a girl!!  Josh had seen a friend with his daughter and mentioned how he thought it would be fun to have a girl next.  I know he's nervous and I am too, not so much about the girl part, just about having another baby.  I know it will be exciting though!!