I've been thinking for some time that I need to write this poignant blog and remind myself where I am for when I get where I want to be. Time just gets away from me, but today both children are napping at the same time and my work for the part-time job is done and my husband is not home hogging the computer.
April 1, 2013 has been another life altering day for me. Not as much as getting saved, married, or the day my children were born, but life altering none the less. My sweet husband gave his job of 12 years a month notice that he was leaving. As long as I've known Josh he has worked at Lexus of Chandler or Penske Automotive Group. He has been a faithful employee and has worked in just about every department they have, except for maybe accounting. He currently works as a service advisor and he makes enough money that I have been able to be a stay-at-home-mom for 2 years now. I am grateful that I had that opportunity. I'm currently working part-time and still grateful that the majority of my days are with my children. Josh has decided to go into real estate full-time. This is a decision that has not come without much prayer. This is a decision that is completely out of the norm for Josh. Yet, here we are with 2 weeks to go. I support Josh in this decision, but that doesn't mean that I don't have my worries and concerns.
I know we haven't been married that long, but I am much more trusting of Josh at year 7 than I was at year 1. I have finally let him be the spiritual leader of our home (that took some time and prayer to overcome) and I love him and know he would never do something to financially hurt us. It's hard to explain, but I have such peace about this. Yes, I have many questions about the details but I also feel like God has told me not to worry about how the plan will work, just trust that the plan will work. As you know, I am a self proclaimed control freak so not worrying about the details is difficult. We won't have the somewhat decent medical insurance that we currently have with Josh's employer, we won't have the money to go towards paying our Lexus lease (which we have to keep at this point), we have no salary guarantee. I'm sure that everything about this situation must say, "RUN", "Don't do it". I just keep thinking of the testimony that we'll have in a year. It might be that we have no idea how it happened, but we made it through a year. It might be that Josh gets double his salary by doing real estate. I don't know the outcome, but I do know God is a good god and He will not forsake me.
There are days when I feel like I don't have a worry in the world and I don't know how, but I know God will take care of this. Then there are days when I think that I don't know how we're going to make it, how is this going to work, it just doesn't make sense, are people going to think we're crazy for doing this, are we sure that we're really hearing the correct message from God. It would be so much easier for me if God would speak to me in a clear audible voice and tell me that everything is going to be okay, but that hasn't happened. I definitely have these moments of complete peace and I know that's how God must speak to me, maybe I'm working up to the clear audible voice. I have to tell you, I don't know how it will work, I don't know if we'll have insurance, I don't know if we'll lose our house, I don't know if Josh will be this incredible success right off the bat. There are countless unknowns, but one thing trumps all that- a good God.
I was talking with a friend last night and I told her that I've heard many stories of other Christians who have taken a risk, moved, changed careers, gone into the mission field and they have never said that they thought God totally forsake them. I have never heard anyone say that God left them/never showed up/forsake them when they moved across the country not knowing where the would live/work. I remember being jealous of our friends when they moved to Portland. I thought it would be awesome to be totally dependent on God, not knowing where you would live or work. Now, we are there. We are the ones trusting God with everything, not knowing how we'll pay the bills if Josh doesn't have any money coming in from commissions. If he's not helping someone buy/sell a house he doesn't make any money. God has truly brought me to a new place of humility and trust. I can't wait to write about the incredible thing that God will do in our lives, now there may be struggles along the way, but I know there will be an incredible story of God's faithfulness to come.
Please keep my family and I in your prayers if you think about us.