Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Good Friday

So, Good Friday is coming up in two days and I must admit that I don't like Good Friday that much. I know we need to remember what Jesus did for us, but I really struggle with this. I did see The Passion of the Christ movie when it came out and I do not want to see it again. At our church we have a Good Friday service and last year was the first year we went to it. I was very nervous because at our previous church they had shown parts of The Passion movie. I was afraid I would become a blubbering mess at church if I saw this. They didn't show any scenes from the movie, so I was thankful.

Today, I was reading in Leviticus (I know, the Old Testament is rough in some places but hear me out on this). God had just gone through the blessings and curses that would come upon the Israelites if the obeyed or disobeyed Him. There were a number of references to "remember" what God had done for the people. By this time, there was a new generation that was being raised up who had not seen all God had done for the Israelites in Egypt- the plagues, the signs and wonders, the water from a rock. God wanted the adults to remember what they had been through, what they had seen so they could share those stories with their children. When I read this, it kinda hit me that Good Friday is just like what I had read. God wants us to remember what Jesus did for us, the suffering, the pain. But we know that Sunday is on the way!! Even though He died for us we know that He is not dead! He is risen!! Knowing that God wants us to remember and knowing that He speaks to me even while reading the Old Testament:) I'm sure I'll be emotional on Good Friday, but there is the hope of Sunday of knowing that Jesus is not in the tomb. He is alive and well and hears us when we cry, He knows right where we are, He sees every tear, He loves us more than we will ever know!!

So Happy Easter if I don't blog again before then!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

New Schedule

Well, this week started my new schedule at work. I know work 7-5 Monday-Thursday and have Fridays off. Oh, to have Fridays off:) I'm very excited to have Fridays off, but getting to work at 7 has been rough. I miss seeing Josh in the morning since he doesn't have to get up until after I leave for work. I'm thankful to have Fridays off so I can schedule appointments and not worry about missing work. So far (these 2 days) it hasn't been too bad. I haven't been sleeping to well so lately I'm already awake when it's time to get up.

Easter is coming up and I love Easter! There aren't many holidays I don't like:) We'll be having a brunch at my parents' house. Originally Josh and I wanted to have a brunch at our house, but since I'm in the choir this year it just wouldn't work out.

In vacation news, we've decided against going to Hawaii. While I would love to go and see the beauty of Hawaii, we know it's probably not a good idea to spend over $2000 on a vacation when we've got a baby on the way. We'll take a vacation, but not to Hawaii. We were thinking maybe Durango, CO. It will be cooler there than here:) Any other ideas for a less expensive vacation? We've been to San Diego so many times, Josh isn't interested in going this year. I never get tired of seeing the ocean, but it would be cool to go somewhere new.

Josh's mom is doing better. She's started watching the kids again, she just gets tired easily. We're continuing to keep her in our prayers. Also, my brother re-dedicated his life to the Lord a few weeks ago. We've been praying for him and I'm so excited for him. I know God has great things in store for him.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Letting the Cat Out of the Bag

Well, friends I've struggled with this for some time. I wasn't sure when to share this news.

We're pregnant!

I feel so excited, scared, nervous, anxious, and happy all in one. Part of me didn't want to share this with all of you because last time I was so eager to share and this time I wanted to really soak it all in and be cautious in my announcement. It's kinda at a point where I have so much I want to share with you that I'm tired of keeping the secret. Also, I was at church last week and the pastor's wife was talking about how sometimes we have a hard time asking people to pray for us because we feel like we're a burden or something like that. That made me think, even if this baby isn't meant to be for us I still need and appreciate the prayers of friends and family. So, here I am, asking for your prayers for a healthy baby and healthy mom.

Of course I have to share the entire story, just so you know it's long:)

Before this all started I had been concerned about my hormones. I never felt normal after the m/c. I know this is terrible, but I had convinced myself that I had PCOS. So, I bought an OPK only to determine if I was ovulating. A side effect could have been me getting pregnant, but I at least wanted to know that I was ovulating. My surge never showed up. Maybe I didn't do the test correctly or I did it at the wrong time, but there was no surge. I just assumed that after this cycle I'd make an appointment with the doctor to see what medication I needed to be on to ovulate. Somewhere in there I must have ovulated. About 10 days before AF was due I started having waves of nausea. I remember DH and I getting ready for a walk and I bent over to tie my shoes and I really felt it. I cried. I didn't know if I could do it, could WE do it, were we ready for this, was my body ready for this. There were so many questions. But DH told me we'd be ok and we'd make it through this. I waited and waited to take the test, but in my heart I knew it would be positive. 2 days before AF was due I decided to take one and low and behold it was a BFP!! I left the test in the bathroom and put a sticky note that said "Guess What!!!". I also put DH's glasses in there in case he needed them:)

I made an appointment with the doctor for the next day. I wanted to have my progesterone checked asap since it was low last time. Beta and progesterone levels were good, but she said I should probably go ahead and take the prog. supplement and I had some left from before so it wasn't a big deal. We had our first u/s at 7w4d. To our surprise the baby was measuring 5 days bigger, so technically the baby was 8w2d. I was so so nervous. I couldn't wait to hear what the heart rate was- it was 158!!! I was ecstatic!! Of course I started crying right then. DH was with me, so it was super special for us to see such a healthy baby together. It was really hard not to think about the last time we were here; the last time we were getting an u/s, the last time we saw a baby on the screen. Last time, it wasn't good. Oh, but this time!! I am so thankful how God makes all things new!!

There are moments when feel robbed of my first pregnancy joy, but I have a new joy, a joy that is even better. I have a joy that even though things were horrible, it does get better. God is so good!! I still worry about this baby, but it's not like it was before. I had dinner with a friend a few nights ago and we talked about the first pregnancy. During my first pregnancy I was fearful of a miscarriage from the beginning. I remember telling her how scared I was and how I was so worried about having a miscarriage. Who does that? What kind of crazy person is already talking about a miscarriage when they should be joyful? Maybe that was the Holy Spirit preparing me, I don't know. This time I feel completely different. I have complete peace (and I'm more sick). I can't even describe it, it's like I'm not even worried about the baby. Please don't get me wrong, I pray like crazy over this baby, but I don't dwell on the negative and I'm not fearful.

I'm still not out of the first trimester yet. I have my next appointment in a few weeks and I'm already praying that the doctor will be able to find the heart beat quickly and that it will still be a healthy lil' pumpkin in there. The waiting between appointments is so hard. I'm thinking of renting a doppler, but then they say that you may worry even more if you can't find the heart beat. Any thoughts on that?

Well friends, I'm excited to have you on this journey with me.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Bad Blogger

I have to apologize for being such a bad blogger lately. I so look forward to blogging at least once a week even if it's just to vent. Life has gotten the better of me and I've been a slacker. My MIL has been in the hospital all week. FIL took her in Monday night and she's still there. We were very concerned for her health for a while and still are, but it appears that she's on the mend. My personal opinion is that she needs to make her self a priority and take better care of herself. She deserves it! She takes care of children in her home, so I can understand that it makes it difficult for her to take time off and go to the doctor. Hopefully after this experience, she'll make those necessary appointments.

DH has been working in the yard over the past few weekends. He is working hard on a sprinkler/drip system. He actually got it working and turned it on last night, but he's got a few things to complete before we get the plants, grass and rock. I'm excited to have a yard that you can show people and not just dirt with a few weeds growing:) I need to post some pictures of his work so far. I'm really proud of him! I was nervous for him to do this because he's never done it before, but he's very handy so I knew he'd get it done. I've been kinda lazy lately as far as house work. I was going to wait to vacuum until DH was done tracking dirt in the house due to the sprinkler system, but last night I had to vacuum. I hated that dirt was sticking to my bare feet when I walked on the tile. I guess then you know it's bad:)

Between work, church, and hospital this week we've been super busy. I'm hoping this weekend we can relax, although I'm sure that DH will have yard work to do:)

Oh, and by the way, the girl I work with went in for her beta Monday and it was 580 and then it was over 1200 on Wednesday. She's not really excited yet, at least from what I can tell. I know about being cautious at this stage, but I'm so happy for her. I told her that there were a lot of people praying for her and she said she was thankful for that. There were people who didn't even know her praying, I hope that made an impression on her. I'm praying for the opportunity to witness to her and I'm just waiting on His leading.

Hope you all have a great weekend!!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

March 10, 2010

Well, I feel like I'm a terrible blogger. My original goal was to update this blog at least once a week, but when I don't have much to report it makes things a bit difficult:) DH and I have both been sick over the past week. It's some horrible cold and a week later, I still have that low, sexy, smelly cat voice:)

I was listening to my Ipod yesterday while I was at the gym and there was a song (I hope I remember it correctly, forgive me if it's not quoted properly)that I have heard a number of times, but this time I was nearly brought to tears. It was a Francesca Battistelli song. I can't even remember the name of it, but in the chorus she says:

Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful

I love the part that says He's making my life something so beautiful. Sometimes I feel like my life is a gross mess to God. I know I need to trust Him more, I need to rest in his arms, I need to just improve. In spite of all my mistakes and mishaps and my shortcomings, He is making my life beautiful and His mercy is reaching to save me. I love that! I've come to realize that even though I can choose to be angry at God, I can choose to turn my back on Him, He chooses to reach for me. When I'm in a pit filled with pity and doubt He reaches down to me. I'm so thankful that I serve a God who reaches out to me. So, blogger friends I'm praying for you today! I hope you have a wonderful week:)