My 3rd Birth Story

I know it's been a little over 3 months since our third baby was born, but I still want to write as much down because as each day passes I feel like pieces of my memory are passing by as I adjust to being a mother of 3!
Since I knew this would be my last pregnancy I tried to savor every moment, every moment of nausea, the immediate urgency to pee late in pregnancy, the first moments feeling the baby move, feeling his hiccups, I tried to remember that good or bad symptom this would be the last time I experience this. It was really hard to savor these moments when I was feeling exhausted and I still had to work and entertain a 3 and 2 year old. Hayden loved to feel the baby moving in my belly and I can still remember her sitting on my lap so I could read to her and she would touch my belly and ask if the baby was moving.
Overall my pregnancy was your run of the mill pregnancy. No complications and nothing too eventful. We had our anatomy scan at 20 weeks and the baby was head up in my ribs and that continued until week 37. I really wanted to have another vbac (as I would have 2 children at home to care for and recovering from c-section, caring for a newborn and two other children seemed like more than I could handle). I asked the doctor what our options were and all along they were convinced he would turn on his own as babies have more room when they are head down. That just never happened for us. I scheduled to have an external version done. I prayed long and hard about doing this and did the necessary research on Google and YouTube. The prognosis was 50/50. I think all along I knew that the baby wouldn't turn on his own, he had been in the same position for so long. Josh and I went to the hospital for this procedure and I received an epidural just in case there would be a need for an emergency c-section. The doctor and her surgical tech came in and within 2 minutes the baby was turned. His heart rate went down for a little bit and I was prepared for that so we had to wait at the hospital for about 2 hours to make sure he was all ok. The epidural was so good that I couldn't walk for nearly 2 hours after the procedure.
My next concern was that I needed to go into labor on my own since this would be a vbac. I went to the doctor at 39 weeks 1 day and I was dilated to 2.5 cm and just experiencing a lot of braxton hicks contractions, nothing too exciting. I did have a night at about 36 weeks when I was sick and I had consistent contractions for an hour and then they just stopped. We scheduled a sort of light induction for that Friday as we were a little concerned about the baby getting too big.  At 39 weeks 3 days I woke up at 1:30am to contractions. I had downloaded this contraction timer on my phone so I kept track of them for an hour (I wasn't too excited at this point as it had happened before and I was still pregnant). They were consistent and getting a little stronger. At 2:30 I woke the hubby and did my hair, you gotta look good right? I still wasn't convinced this was it, but I called my parents to come over to stay with the kids. By the time they got to the house, the contractions were intense but I could still chat with Josh in between them and I was still able to pack my stuff for the hospital (as I had nothing packed, I like to wait for the last minute I suppose). My water also broke while waiting for them, I think it was then that I knew this was it. It was 3:30 by the time my parents got to the house and 4:00 before we were at the hospital.
The whole process of getting admitted to the hospital takes forever and is so annoying when you are in labor. They didn't believe that my water had broken so they had to send a sample off even though when they checked me I was 6.5 cm. When the nurse told me I was 6.5 cm I remembered from my childbirth class with Jackson that the transition from 7-10 cm was the most intense and painful and I was panicking because I wanted an epidural. Of course there was what seemed like hundreds of more medical questions before an order could be placed for an epidural. This was my greatest fear, not having an epidural. I wanted to be able to enjoy the process of delivering my last baby, not screaming because the pain was so intense! I wanted to have this beautiful moment, not be this red face screaming crazy person you could hear down the hallway. None the less, I was that screaming crazy person. By the time I was put in a L&D room I was completely dilated and they wanted me to push. I know I told Josh I couldn't do it several times and he kept telling me I could. The nurse was so annoying, she kept telling me to slow down my breathing or I would pass out and at that point I would have welcomed passing out! They ended up letting me get an epidural even though I was completely dilated. I can't tell you how excited I was! I only got to "use" the epidural for about 30 minutes before our baby was born, but I was then able to enjoy his birth. 4 pushes later we had a beautiful baby boy. He weighted 8lbs 9oz, my smallest baby. I got to hold him for over an hour before they took him to get his measurements. It was amazing, I felt wonderful after he was born!
I have to admit I was a bit sad when he was born, knowing this would be the last time I would be in the hospital delivering a baby. We named him Bennett and he is such a sweet baby! His big sister things she is a mini mommy.
I feel like every day I have to tell myself that I need to enjoy these moments, these moments of craziness because soon my children will be older and not need me as much. It's hard to remember that when they are running around like crazy people or wrestling and pinning each other down. I love the new shape of my family and we are truly blessed by such a loving God!
I suppose I should change the name of my blog to family of 5 now!

My External Version Experience

So before the memories fade, I thought I'd share my experience since there might be someone out there who wants to to know.  My baby has been in the breech position since the 20 week anatomy scan. I had been praying he would flip, but he didn't. I even went to the spinning babies website and tried the exercises to see if he would flip.  He seemed perfectly content with his head wedged in the my ribs on my right side.  Since I've had one c-section and one VBAC, my hope was to have another VBAC. The recovery was so much easier and my VBAC experience was so wonderful! My only option was to try an external cephalic version. This procedure is where the try to turn the baby from outside my belly. I, of course, consulted Dr. Google before agreeing to this procedure and watched numerous videos on YouTube. My doctor prefers to do the version with an epidural for two reasons- 1. because this procedure is quite painful and 2. should there be any complications the epidural is in place for an emergency c-section. I told the doctor that I didn't think I would need an epidural (because I had watched so many videos on YouTube and no one appeared to be in much pain). She told me that if there was an emergency and I didn't have the epidural then I would have to be under general anesthesia for the c-section and my husband would not be able to be in the room. So, I agreed to the epidural. Although I'm all for epidurals, I have the feeling of them putting it in my back. The pain isn't that bad, it's the weird feeling in my back when they are trying to get the epidural in the correct place.
The day of the version came and the whole thing was done in triage, thankfully it wasn't too busy in there. I had to have 1 bag of fluids because I was getting an epidural and I had to have an IV and blood drawn to check platelet levels. The whole process was way more intense than I thought it was going to be (due to my video watching). I was kind of thankful when it was time for the epidural because my back and hips had been very uncomfortable just sitting in the bed and I had to keep shifting back and forth. The epidural experience was pretty good, but my blood pressure always gets really low after the epidural medicine goes in and that's not a really great feeling. After the epidural was in for 20 minutes or so, the ultrasound tech came in to verify the baby's position and the doctor and her assistant took their positions. By the way, I couldn't believe how many people (ultrasound tech, anesthesiologist, doctor, assistant, and nurse) were in such a small area with curtain walls. Josh got shoved all the way in the corner and I couldn't even hold his hand. The doctor got the head and her assistant had the baby's butt. The pressure was so intense and at that point I was unsure as to why I got the epidural because the pressure was so great. I couldn't imagine there being much pain that was being numbed. At first the baby didn't want to move, so they tried again and finally got him to move. The whole process from ultrasound to the baby being head down took less than 5 minutes. His heart rate must have gone pretty low because they gave me some oxygen and everyone seemed concerned. Of course, no one was really telling my husband and I all of the details. At first, no one but the doctor and her assistant knew he had turned to be head down. I thought there would be cheering, but I think they were more concerned with his heart rate at the time. We were all so excited when we found out he was head down and it only took two tries. I don't think I would have made it through much more.
It's been two days since then and I'm still pretty sore. My belly is super sore and my back is still a little sore from the epidural. So far, I'm thankful I did it, but I'm not 100% sure I'd do it again. The experience was still painful and I think those women on YouTube are totally crazy for just laying there like they are getting a deep tissue massage. Maybe the doctor was more rough with me than those other women, I'm not sure. So far it seems like our little baby is staying head down, but I can't push on my belly too much right now to confirm. If I'm able to have a VBAC this time around then I would say the procedure was absolutely worth it. Right now there's just so much unknown. Since I'm trying to VBAC I have to go into labor on my own and can't really be induced. The idea of just scheduling a c-section seemed very appealing, just because I'm a planner and I would know the time and date of this baby's birth. However the recovery from a c-section with two small children at home would be very difficult, so I'm praying for a VBAC and that I'll go into labor at the perfect time!

Pregnancy for the third time......

Okay, I have to admit this pregnancy has been a bit difficult. Not that there have been issues so to speak, but it's just been hard on my body.  With two little ones at home there is not much down time.  I feel like someone always needs something, especially right when I sit down. I do keep reminding myself to cherish this last pregnancy. I have to remember to file (in my memory vault) the feeling of the baby moving in my belly because after this baby I'll never have that feeling again. I know I've got some time to cherish this new little life growing inside me, but sometimes I get busy with the other two kids that I forget to cherish him. I remember thinking when I had our daughter that I'd get to do this again, so I didn't think about remembering pregnancy that much. At the same time, I want to give as much time as I can to the two kids I have here because my time will be consumed with a new little one in a few months. It's hard to believe that March will be here tomorrow and then in June there will be a new little Harris!

Baby Harris #3 is.......

Last week we found out what our newest addition will be. Since I knew this would be my last baby, I wanted to do something special to find out what the baby is. I didn't want the ultrasound person to just blurt out what it was. We planned to do a gender reveal party with our family. I wanted to do cupcakes from Joe's Coffee Shop since their cupcakes are amazing! They had told me originally that they wouldn't be able to fill the cupcakes, but that they could frost them all pink for a girl or blue for a boy. We had our ultrasound on Thursday and we have a healthy baby, which was most important to us. The ultrasound tech wrote the gender on a paper and put it in an envelope for us to give to the Coffee Shop. I was a little nervous that we wouldn't know what our baby was if they lost the paper especially because they wrote down all my directions on a tiny post it with a sharpie, but I handed it over anyway! I asked my mom to pick up the cupcakes on Saturday (the day of our party) just in case they weren't covered. If any one had to know what it was then it could be my mom and Josh and I could still be surprised. I told the cashier that I wanted the paper back that the doctor had given us. She assured me that all would be as promised. Well, my mom went to pick up the cupcakes and they had the post it on top of the cupcakes, but all the cupcakes were yellow!!

I was freaking out when she called me and told me. She said that maybe the answer was in the cake, but of course no one at the Coffee Shop knew that since the bakers were not there at the time. I could not believe this was happening! They had circled the correct gender on the post it, but I wanted there to be more excitement and I felt like looking at a post it would be such a let down. After I calmed myself down, I decided that either way we were finding out what this baby was today whether it was from a cupcake or a post it.
We had asked the kids several times what they thought the new baby was. Jackson was confident that it was another girl and I started thinking maybe he had a sense for what this baby really was. We also kept a lot of Hayden's super cute clothes and the season was the same as this baby, so it would work if it was a girl. Hayden said it was a boy, but I figured she's still a little young to know what's going on.
I was beginning to feel like my mom was just trying to torture me with making this dinner last so long and not just giving us the cupcakes. The time finally came to have the cupcakes. They looked delicious and we were so so excited!! I just broke it open because I figured that's where the answer had to be and sure enough...

We are so excited to be having another boy! I'm so happy that even though Hayden will be a middle child, she'll still be the only girl and daddy's only princess! 

On another happy note, my sister-in-law just found out she's pregnant and they had been trying for a few years! I'm so happy for her and all of these blessings just assure me that God is good. There's no other way to put it, He is so good to us. He knows just what we need. He probably knew that Josh couldn't handle another girl because he's got such a soft spot for Hayden. God even knows this little boy I'm carrying, He knew him before he was even formed within me and that gives me such peace.

Fertility Guilt......

I know these days it seems like women every where are struggling with infertility, so it seems like you never hear about women who have no problem getting pregnant. Although, I guess if you're trying to get pregnant it probably seems like everyone around you is having a baby. I have a little bit of fertility guilt. Here's a little background: I have two children, but before my first was born I had a miscarriage.  I cannot put into words how devastating that was. I remember crying uncontrollably and the feeling of devastation was like a huge weight on my shoulders. Even though I know it wasn't my fault and there was nothing I could do to avoid it, I still put the blame on myself. I remember not wanting to answer the phone because I didn't want people to ask how I was doing. I really just wanted to get through it on my own in my little cave and then eventually I would come out and I wanted everyone to act as if nothing had happened. Looking back I am thankful for all the people who prayed for and encouraged me during that incredibly difficult time. At the time it was hard to face those people because just when I thought I was going to be able to go to the store without crying, someone would call and ask, "how are you", then I would lose it.
A few months after enduring a miscarriage I became pregnant with my son and had a pretty great pregnancy, even if it ended with a c-section. We knew we wanted another child fairly soon and when my son was 10 months old I was pregnant again with my daughter. We weren't really trying and I remember feeling a little anxious about having babies 18 months apart, but all went well and another pretty eventless pregnancy ended with a beautiful baby girl and my dream of a VBAC!
After having my daughter, I knew I didn't want to do the 18 month apart thing again, but I knew I wanted to at least try for a third baby. If we didn't get pregnant I would be okay, but I always wished my parents had had one more child so I knew I wanted to try for three. We weren't really trying at the time but we weren't trying not to have a baby. I had shared with my husband that I didn't want to be on birth control and I had my IUD removed because I thought it made me feel crazy, so that left condoms as our choice of birth control. My hubby hadn't been fully on bored with the three kids thing so he was very faithful with the "birth control". I'm not sure what happened or what changed his mind, but one day he was okay with a third baby. I told him it could take months to get pregnant and I knew that I was only getting older and we might not get pregnant at all.
I'm happy to announce that I am indeed pregnant with our #3! I have days where I have no idea how it will work since I only have two hands, but then I try to remember to savor every moment of this pregnancy because I know it will be my last. I thank God for the morning sickness that helps me to know my baby is doing what it should be. This is the sickest I've felt out of all my pregnancies, but I'm trying to remember every little thing about this pregnancy. There is a downside, I feel, to all of this. My sister-in-law is struggling with infertility. I think it's been almost two years that they have been trying to have a baby. We told my mother-in-law that I was pregnant and she was happy, but I could tell that she wasn't THAT happy. She didn't ask my anything about how I had been feeling, how many weeks I was, she pretty much just said congratulations and that was it. My husband didn't seem to think it was a big deal and thought I shouldn't look to much into things, but it was then that I was determined to be happy for this baby and grateful for my fertility. I can't pretend to not be pregnant and I'm not going to avoid talking about it. I definitely won't rub it in anyone's face, but I think this baby deserves to have some happy thoughts even if they are only from my husband and I.
I feel for all the women struggling and I know what it's like to go through the loss of a miscarriage. I remember feeling like everyone was getting pregnant or having a baby soon after I had the miscarriage and I know it's difficult to deal with, but I was always happy for my friends. Yes, it was hard and sometimes I would cry when I was alone, but I was happy for my friends and their new additions. I'm looking forward to all that God has in store for us and our new addition to our family!

Big Boy Bed

Well, it was finally time to start the transition from crib to big boy bed for my nearly 3 year old. He could climb out of the crib, as he had done it many times, but he was well behaved enough to know not to do it. I wanted to make the transition before my husband goes back to working regular hours and has to get up at 5am. Selfish, I know, but you do what you've got to do. Jackson initially did great, almost too great. The first two nights he didn't get up once. He still wasn't sure about the whole thing and he'd still ask us to get him out of the bed, so I'm not sure he thought he was allowed to get himself out. Now, he climbs out multiple times a night and even early in the morning. My solution to the issue:

The "OK to Wake" Alarm Clock. This clock is an alarm clock and night light. We don't use the night light, so I can't say how that works, but we like the other features.  This clock lights up green when it's ok for the child to wake up and get out of bed. We set the time for wake up to be 7am. This worked great for the first few days, but Jackson still got up multiple times after we put him down for bed. He would typically wake up close to 7am, so he didn't have to sit long before the light came on. This morning was a major battle. He got out of bed close to 15 times after going down for the night, then he woke at 6:30am and got out of bed and came to our room (as a side note, I was up but I use this time to get ready for work so it's my preference for him to be in bed until 7am). I took him back to bed and reminded him to wait for the light to come on. He got up 4 more times before the light came on. I was totally exhausted from some allergy medication I took last night and just did not want to deal with him getting up and taking him back to bed. I know this is all part of the "parenting gig" I signed up for when I had children, but this part is so hard. When Jackson gets up we try to the the Super Nanny thing and not talk to him but then he gets upset I'm not to him and I'm afraid he'll be screaming so loud he'll wake Hayden up. I keep trying to "cherish" this time with him and think that these moments of struggle with my toddler are fleeting and it won't be long before he's in high school. I love him so much, but he knows my buttons and pushes them on a regular basis. Hopefully week three will be better than week two and we will just keep going. 

A friend of mine asked me the other day how I handle two children so close in age and I told her there's no way to prepare for it. You just do it. You'll drive yourself crazy if you think about it too much. There are great days and difficult ones, but you get through and as long as everyone is somewhat happy and alive at the end of the day you've done a great job. 

Put on Your Big Girl Panties....

The past few months have been full of change, some great, some not so great.  Josh quit working at Lexus in May and went into real estate.  I was confident that God had ordained these steps we were taking.  When I would ask for yet another confirmation, He was there to assure me that everything would be okay and give me another dose of peace.  By the way, I've needed a "peace drip" over these past few months. Josh and I felt like his career in real estate was going to thrive and become this incredible business opportunity. Initially things went great and he was very busy. There were quite a few people who were interested in selling/purchasing property and Josh was ready to help. Some friends from church purchased their first house and we were so excited to be a part of it. Josh's parent's sold their home and purchased a new one. We really felt like things were going great, we even talked about Josh having a real estate business and his dad and brother could work with him. In July, money concerns became a topic of conversation. I was working part-time, so it was nice to have that supplementing Josh's commission, but we knew that money would soon become a much bigger issue. It seemed like as quickly as his business began to take off, it began to come to a close. I knew Josh was feeling discouraged, God has placed it on the hearts of men to provide for their family and Josh was beginning to feel the stress of that responsibility weighing heavily on his shoulders. Our first reaction was to question God. I know it's not the right thing to do, but I had no one else to go to. Josh was just as discouraged, if not more so, than me and I didn't want to make him feel more upset. God and I had some heated conversations, some desperate conversations and there was the occasional "I trust you" conversation. I didn't know what God was doing, I didn't know how it was going to work out, but I finally (after some wrestling within myself) decided to trust Him. I began to feel the confidence I felt initially that He had ordered our steps and we were where we were because it's where God wanted us to be. Josh began looking for jobs and actually got 3 job offers. He will be going back to work at Scottsdale Lexus next week and we are so thankful for this job. Sometimes Josh still questions leaving Lexus of Chandler. I truly feel that God wanted Josh out of there for a reason. I don't know why, but as these past few months have passed, I know he needed to be away from there. Even as we know Josh will be going back to Scottsdale Lexus and we are still waiting for an official start date, I know God has it all under control. Even though these past months have been difficult and there have been many tears, I know that I love Josh so much more as we've been through this. I'm so grateful that our children have really developed an incredible relationship with Josh because he's been home to play with them more than he had been. I remember when Josh came home and told me he was giving his two week notice at Lexus and after the shock wore off,  I thought that blessing after blessing would be poured out on us, financial blessings to be more specific. I know God is in control and it's difficult to think about Josh going back to a regular day job and not seeing him as much, I'm putting on my big girl panties and I'm confident that I am a child of the King and He knows what we need. He hears my cries and sees every tear. My friends, this amazing God I serve knows what He's doing and He sees each of us right where we are. I'm excited to see the new things He will do in our lives as Josh goes back to Lexus.