I think I need to just give up on maintaining a blog with weekly posts, maybe quarterly posts would be more likely:) Life just gets away from me sometimes and I think I would rather enjoy some time with my hubby and my boy outside than sit at the computer and write. Although, I do find peace in venting on here.
My sweet boy is going to be a big brother in a little over a month and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I know I have to be, but I cannot imagine sharing my love and attention with another. I think I felt that way when Jackson was born and somehow it works out and I know it will work out again, it's just the anticipation that gets to me. There are days when Jackson and I struggle spending the day together, but I cannot put into words how much I love that baby boy. In spite of teething, stubbornness, and fits of rage he is my world. He is getting his one year molars and incisors and there was a day last week when I thought that I can't do this anymore, I want to get a job and someone else can deal with him. Then I started thinking how would someone else handle this super fussy baby. Would they get frustrated with him, would they just put him in the corner to cry? Then I couldn't imagine anyone else caring for him during these difficult times. I know he may act different with someone else than he would me, but either way he would have fussy days. Even if it was my mom, I know she would be frustrated with him. Being a stay-at-home-mom is without a doubt the hardest job I've ever had. Sometimes I think people have these visions of SAHMs sitting on the couch watching tv all day while the children run around like little monsters. Even with just one child, I do not get that opportunity. Jackson loves to watch tv, so we are very limited in the amount of tv we can watch and we have to be very careful what we watch. He repeats everything!! I love that he is so verbal because he's able to tell us what he wants and not just whine, although he still does that from time to time.
I recently found out that my current OB is no longer delivering at the hospital where I had Jackson. He is only delivering at a hospital that I have not heard good things about. I know, 34 weeks and I'm changing doctors!! I was very frustrated and I was even more irritated when the nurse told me, "I don't know why you didn't know Dr. L does not deliver at that hospital". Why would I even think to ask if he still delivers there when I hear it on the hold message when I call the office?? Needless to say I was super frustrated, but I feel like this is maybe God's way of putting me in the hands of a different doctor. Ultimately He is in control and I know He has Baby Girl Harris and I in the palm of His hand. It's hard to reign in the control freak that is in me in situations like this.
Things I need to remember when the new baby gets here:
1. You were super emotional the 2 weeks after Jackson was born, don't expect it to be any different with this one. It will get better and it's ok to cry!
2. Nursing was hard to get the hang of in the beginning, just be patient. At least this time only one of you is a newbie:) There are times when it's uncomfortable, I don't care what any nursing books say.
3. You will be exhausted! There is no getting around that, just remember it is only for a season. Before you know it she'll be sleeping through the night.
4. You felt disconnected from your husband. It's kind of inevitable considering the situation, but remember it gets so much better. This time try your best to get away and have a date night, even if it's a mini date more often. Don't wait until the baby is older to do it. Your marriage will be better for it.
5. Remember God has blessed you and Josh with this baby, so He will give you the wisdom to raise her. Do what you think is right! Your mom, friends, nurses may tell you different, but you are her mom and Josh is her dad. Everyone has their opinion!
I think that's most of it, but I'll add to this list if I remember anything I have forgotten. It seems like such a long time ago that we had a newborn!
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