Here We Are.....

Well, here we are at 21 weeks 4 days.  It's hard to believe that we're on the down side of the hill now.  I still amazed with the idea that in a few short months we'll have a baby at home with us.  Lately I've been reading quite a few blogs other women have written regarding the loss of their babies, whether through miscarriage or stillbirth.  I'm not sure why I'm drawn to these blogs.  It breaks my heart to read these stories, but I kinda feel like I'm recovering by reading them.  Sometimes I feel like I never really "recovered" from my loss.  I don't know how you do that really.  I know so many women said that getting pregnant again was the thing that helped them to recover, but that is not the case for me.  Even in this pregnancy, I'm fearful of any bad news.  Maybe this is God's way of teaching me that this baby that is growing inside of me is His and He has His hand on our little one.  From the very beginning of this pregnancy I told God that I knew this baby was His and He would protect my peanut.  God has never let me down, and I mean never!  So, why is it so hard to trust Him?  I keep thinking, He took that first baby away from me, what keeps Him from taking this one?  I know these are probably horrible thoughts to have and I'm just being honest, but being pregnant after a loss is difficult just in a different way.  It makes me so sad sometimes.  

Here we are 7 months after a loss and a few weeks before our first due date and I feel good.  Yes, I have moments where I want to completely break down and sometimes I do.  Sometimes I wish I could explain to my husband all that I'm feeling and the thousands of thoughts that are running through my head.  I'm not sure if any mother ever "gets over" the loss of a baby.  I know I was only 9 weeks along when we lost our baby, but it was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through.  Feeling this little one move around now is just about the greatest thing ever!  I love knowing he's alive and well.  Although he'll never take the place of our lost baby, I have to be positive for the baby that is here with us and sometimes that is hard.

This Sunday our Pastor's sermon was "Think Four:Eight".  This series is just what I needed!  It's based on Philippians 4:8-

8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

 So, think positive, think about things that are good.  I so needed to hear the verse about taking every thought captive.  I need to remember that the way I think is so important.  If I'm being negative and a debbie downer, then my day will also be that way. So, this week I'm fixing my thoughts on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable.  I'm trusting God for great things in my life.  So, here we are.....in a better state of mind, choosing to be positive, and loving the God who takes such good care of my family and I:)  

Have a great week friends!