I wish somebody would have told me.......(venting alert)

how tough it is (some days) to be a good mom and wife.  I am really struggling with this today.  I know I need to be respectful of my husband.  He is the head of our home and I love him dearly.  There are just some days when he drives me crazy and I wonder if I'm falling short of my job description.  He works long hours and very hard so I can stay home and I am forever grateful to him for that.  There are some days when I think he thinks I've got it made staying home.  I've asked him, "do you think I just sit around the house all day doing nothing but watching tv"?  He always says no, but I wonder what he really thinks.  Last night, he had a bit of a rough day and so did I (Jackson didn't have his usual long naps so he was a bit fussy) and this combination is a recipe for disaster!  We found out that his transmission might be going out. We just paid off his car and we were so excited to have no car payment for a while.  He has an older car so we knew there would be repairs to keep the car up, but we were not expecting to replace the transmission!!  Then he only had 3 customers that day, so commission wise that wasn't a great day.  To top it all off, he didn't turn sharp enough when he was backing out at work and accidentally hit a motorcycle that was parked next to him.  I know you must be thinking, that sure sounds like an awful day!  He came home, we all had dinner together, then he assumed the position on the couch to watch tv.  I wanted to go on a short walk with Jackson (this absolutely helps to distract him until it's time to go to bed).  Josh didn't want to go.  I told him he didn't have to, but I thought that since he doesn't see either of us much in the day he should want to go.  He didn't go.  He stayed home and watched some "Cops" type show (which I absolutely hate).  Needless to say, I was upset when we got back from our walk.  Even though I was upset, I just told Josh that I was disappointed that he didn't want to spend time with us and left it at that.  I also told him that I would have even sat outside on the patio with him, if he didn't want to walk.  This is normally Jackson's fussy time, he's not hungry, and he's just starting to get tired and bored with all of his toys.  Now ladies, I watch A Baby Story and all those baby TLC shows.  I see all these husbands missing their children all day and not being able to wait to see them in the evening.  Now I know this is television, but sometimes I don't feel like Josh wants to be around Jackson and I in the evening.  Josh works hard and long hours and I can absolutely understand the desire to vegetate in front of the tv for a bit in the evening.  99% of the time I put Jackson to bed, so Josh gets at least half an hour of watching whatever he wants, if not more.  So, I put Jackson to bed last night and Josh and I pretty much say nothing else to each other the rest of the night.  I asked him if he had anything he'd like to talk about and he said no.  I know he would never ask me why I was upset or if I was okay.  He's just not like that.  If it was up to Josh, we would have an argument/disagreement in the evening, go to bed and not say a thing to each other, and get up in the morning and act as if nothing happened the night before.  Is this how all men are???

I know, these are things I should pray about.  I know, I should just trust God and everything will be taken care of.  He's never forsaken us and He won't start now.  I know this is part of the growing pains in being a family of three.  This to shall pass, right?  I guess I just need to vent my frustration and not feel guilty about it.  I knew it would be tough becoming a mom.  It was hard just trying to be a good wife, I knew it would be hard to juggle everything.  I feel like everyday I'm trying to prove to Josh why it's good for me to be home.  I know I don't need to, but I just feel that way.  Am I crazy?!?!