Monday, February 15, 2010

A Revelation

This weekend my husband and I attended a marriage conference at our church. We had a great time and it was nice to spend a few days focusing on our marriage. We even renewed our vows at the end of the conference (as a group, but I still cried). We met some really great people and had lunch with them Saturday. After we got home, I kinda wanted Josh to hang out with me and continue to focus on me (I know, I completely admit to being selfish). He wanted to do yard work and play his computer game. I guess I was fine with that, I made us a nice Valentine's Day dinner and dessert. I went to the bathroom and I was looking in the mirror and I know God spoke to me. I know I couldn't have come up with something as good as this:) He said, "The past is the past, you learn from it and grow from it, but it's just that- the past. Don't live in it". I really needed to hear that. There are lots of things in my past that I'm so thankful I don't re-live every day. I'm thankful for the things that have happened in my past to make me the person I am today, but I'm even more thankful that I don't have to live in the past.

Last week I remembered the verse in James where he says consider it pure joy when you face trials. Throughout this most recent trial, I know I did not consider it joy in the least bit. I was angry with God, I couldn't believe He would allow such a thing to happen. Lately I've been trying to thank God for allowing Josh and I to go through that difficult time. Not that I'm thankful we lost our baby, but I'm thankful for the things we were taught through it. I hope that makes sense. I still struggle with it, I still say thank you through clenched teeth at times. I want God to mold me into the woman, daughter, wife, friend, and mother that He wants me to be.

So I'm starting this week with a different perspective. I'm thankful, I'm grateful, I'm trying really hard not to complain, I want to soak it all in.

3 comments:

  1. Michelle,

    I've had many revalations over the past 9 months sice my loss and the greatest is to believe in HIM and allow him to direct our steps :) Also, I'm trying very hard to not look in the rear view mirror, but look forward to what GOD has in store for my life. Some days are easier than others...I try to stay busy and distract myself and that seems to help.

    Hugs and Prayers,
    Andrea

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  2. I absolutely agree, staying busy definitely helps but it is hard to not look in the rear view mirror.

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  3. What a beautiful post. Something I too needed to hear today. Don't live in the past. Thanks for sharing your wonderful experience and what you got out of your class this past weekend.

    Also thanks for following my blog. I'm now a follower of yours as well. =)

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